Friday, August 17, 2012

decisions

I love Myers-Briggs—everyone who knows me knows this. I’m an F, so according to the paradigm, I prioritize feelings over logic in my decision-making. I know this is a shocking idea for some . . . but I’m excited to share that I had an experience recently that introduced me to a new kind of decision-making.

My sister Molly was here in Madagascar with me for the summer. Less than a week before she was supposed to fly out, she started having intense cramps in her kidney area. At first, we assumed she had eaten something that made her sick—we had just been out in a rural area. After a day or so, the cramping went away, and this idea seemed even more likely. Then, her pains began again, this time much worse. I took her to the clinic here in Tulear, and they were able to give her medicine for both pain and vomiting, and they found signs of infection. They gave us some medication and sent us home.

At this point, I had about ten pills I was supposed to give her daily, and three days until her flight back to the USA. She was always on the verge of the intense pain, struggled to eat anything, and had unpredictable and frequent nausea and vomiting. Also, the options for good health care here in Madagascar are of course very limited.

This was one of those situations I dread. I hate making decisions, especially when there are multiple, inter-dependent factors involved, and especially when some of those factors are other people’s feelings.  And while I know that every day people deal with situations much more serious and frightening than this, I really did feel the weight of responsibility for Molly in a way I never have before.

Another hard part was Molly herself. The pain medicines she was on made her very emotional and depressed, and of course none of us thinks clearly when we’re in pain.

So, in the midst of all this, I started discussing options with several other missionaries on the island, and constantly praying for God to make things clear. And something happened—I was able to look past Molly’s feelings and pain, my parents’ feelings, my own feelings, and make a good, logical decision. What I felt was that the right decision was rising to the forefront of my mind at the precise moment I needed it, and I’m sure this was the Lord. At the same time, I could see that He was helping me decide what was truly best for us, regardless of who felt what.

The first decision was for us both to fly to Tana a day earlier than Molly had intended to, and to get her in a hospital there. I decided this at about 11:15 in the morning, and we were on a plane by 6:30 that evening (which, here in Madagascar, was pretty miraculous!) What followed was a week of daily decision-making, with her situation and needs changing each day. And though both of us were emotional roller-coasters, He kept enabling me to make good decisions, over and over! He also blessed me abundantly throughout the time with help from the other missionaries--so many people were there for me in so many ways!

Thankfully, she improved quickly after we got to Tana, though she did have to do more testing and have an IV for a few days. She was able to fly back to the US only three days later than she was supposed to, and now is doing great! I’m thankful for the extra time we had together, though it was under rough circumstances, and I think it was a growing experience for both of us. You can read her thoughts on the time on her blog:musingsonmada


I was thinking about how easy it was for me, during this time, to make stopping her pain my main priority, although the real issue was the infection. At times, my desire to keep her out of pain clouded my judgment. When I think about my own life, I realize how often I make decisions in order to avoid pain . . . and sometimes I assume God is doing the same thing. Though I know this isn’t the case, deep inside somewhere I believe that following Him will lead me down a happy, painless road. Thank goodness, His judgment is never clouded! I can trust His leading, even when He leads me straight into some kind of pain or suffering—I can still trust His good purpose and His love! May it be!

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