"The going itself is the path . . ."

I love to plan. I have spent so much of my life planning the future, from big picture ideas to minute details. But the reality is, next to none of my plans have worked out the way I expected them to. You’d think that I would give up on making plans . . .

I also have this deep-rooted, persistent belief that each season of my life is some kind of test, with specific tasks that must be accomplished in exactly the right way in order to move on to the next phase. I, though often subconsciously, picture God as a very strict, possibly indifferent teacher, waiting to see how I will fare and ready to dole out punishment or reward based on my behavior.

Even writing this I’m appalled. I know these ideas aren’t true—I know that He is active in my life, and that His activity is characterized by grace and love and joy. I once heard Beth Moore say that “He is not looking for perfection; He’s looking for faith”, and I believe this. And I also know that I really have no control over how the various plans I have work out.

And yet, I continue to plan in a desperate crusade for control, and to try to walk in perfection (though not necessarily true righteousness), as if this will somehow ensure that my future is as I’ve planned it.

And all the while there is so much more. I’ve been reading C. S. Lewis’s Space Trilogy, and was recently knocked to my knees by a few simple lines in one part of the story. A female character is musing on some newfound revelations about what it means to walk with her Creator. She describes an experience that reflects one of the main reasons that my planning can negatively affect my spiritual life. She talks about going looking for one thing and finding another, and, instead of welcoming what one finds, thinking only of what one has not found. In this way, one “turn[s] the good which was given it into no good” at all.

How often do I do this? How often have I allowed the pain of surrendering my own plans to blind me to the true good that He’s given me instead? 

The character continues with a startling conclusion: she says, “I thought we went along paths—but it seems there are no paths. The going itself is the path.”

“The going itself is the path.” These words have lingered in my mind the last week or so . . .  what a freeing thought! This perfect plan—which I’m seeking out, preparing for, trying to force into existence through my flawless execution of it—doesn’t exist! At least not in any realm where I can access or control it. Possibly it exists in the mind of God—I don’t presume to understand His “perfect” or His “permissive” will, whatever these mean . . . but all that is really irrelevant isn’t it? If I’m truly walking with Him, engaged in intentional relationship with Him through the indwelling of His Holy Spirit, then that daily, moment-by-moment going with Him is all that matters. I can fix my eyes fully on Him, and let Him worry about planning and accomplishing whatever He wants! And I can be quite sure that the very best that I can come up with is nothing to what He is already doing! May I not be found staring into the path that isn’t when my eyes could be filled with Him who is All in All!

“Righteousness will go before Him, and will make His footsteps into a way.” Ps. 85:13