how do i love Thee?

I really love 1 Corinthians 13. Sometimes I don’t love verses 4-8 . . . really, when you honestly consider all those requirements of love, I just don’t know how anybody cuts it. I’ve always been taught to replace “love” with my name, you know, to see how I’m measuring up . . . it’s pretty bad. Sometimes lately I feel I don’t know the first thing about showing true, selfless, unconditional love.

But verses 1-3 are different somehow. They are still convicting, for sure, but in a more elusive way . . . they intrigue me. Maybe it’s because I’m task oriented, or maybe it’s because I’m a perfectionist . . . but when I read those verses, I’m left with a big question mark. Since moving to Madagascar, I’ve spent a lot of my time and energy on the action aspects of those verses. I have been daily learning a new language. I find myself wanting to give away all my possessions. I’m asked to reveal and explain spiritual truths on a very frequent basis. I’ve been forced to test out my faith in Him in situations I could never have anticipated. Often, these daily realities make me feel somewhat secure in my loving . . . I start thinking, "I must love Him, and my team, and the people around me, because look at all I’m doing for them!"

That’s why verses 1-3 are so disconcerting. You mean, you can do all these things, and even more, and still not love? You mean if I truly gave everything away, and really lost myself here as I sometimes wish I could, that might not be enough? It might, in fact, actually profit nothing? How can this be???

So verses 1-3 undercut my basic assumptions about loving, while verses 4-8 directly expose my inadequacies . . . what is left? What do I do? How should I feel? What does it really mean to love?

I have no idea . . . but three things I do know.

1. Loving others and Him, obvious as it might sound, is not about me. As you can see, my whole encounter with 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 is me-centered—how am I performing in the love department? How can I do better? I will never learn to love when my eyes and my heart are fixed on me.

2. Loving others and Him is not about them (others). If we’re waiting on the more lovable person to call true love out of our hearts, then it’s not going to be true love. And if I wallow in others’ suffering, expecting this to unleash self-sacrificing, active love for them, I will fail. I don’t have enough love for a needy, hurting person . . . because I am just one myself.

3. Loving--truly loving--is all about Him. Through the blood of Jesus, I am connected to the Creator of Love Himself, who 1 John tells us is love!

So I think it’s time to let go of my guilt, and my feelings of inadequacy. It’s also time to let go of my secret dreams of pouring beautiful, praiseworthy love on God and the world like some kind of angel . . . I am a broken vessel, a jar of clay. Let’s face it--I’m capable of little more than a sullied trickle.

But inside of me, by His grace, the only true love that exists abides! Whatever I or anyone else can know of love, and of God, dwells within me as His Spirit! So I don’t really know what to do, or how to be . . . but I know Him. I know the One who is “the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth.” He delights in these things! (Jer. 9:23-24)

So may I turn my gaze on Him, and be completely immersed in and consumed by watching Him practice His steadfast love, justice, and righteousness, unhindered by me and yet, somehow, through me. It’s hard for me to imagine . . . and yet this is the life He’s won for us. May it be!