Sweet Words

Jodie has been leading the ladies and girls in our church in a Bible study on Proverbs 31. It’s been good! Last week it was especially good, as we had some ladies from another local church join us for the first time. Jodie creatively devised activities to help the whole group mix and participate, which gave us all a chance to learn from each other.

We were discussing verse 26:

“She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her

tongue.”

Now, I’ve always assumed that this verse means something like:

“When she opens her mouth, wisdom comes out . . .”

And maybe it does. But a Malagasy pastor’s wife who was in the study shed some extra light on this verse for me. She said that sometimes, or maybe all the time, our minds are full of things we want to say . . . things all along the spectrum from “kind” to downright critical. It is wisdom that tells us when to open our mouths, not just what to say. This wisdom teaches us to take whatever is in our minds, and speak it in the way and time that is driven by compassion and kindness, rather than by our own desires or emotions.

This was really eye-opening to me—I’ve just never thought of this verse this way. I started really pondering and praying through how to open my mouth with wisdom.

And then I discovered something else, sort of a caveat for me, to this lesson. At some point, I do have to open my mouth! A few days later, I was reading Proverbs 12, and I ran across this verse:

“There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,

But the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Truthful lips will be established forever,

But a lying tongue is only for a moment.”

I realized that yes, I sometimes speak too rashly, and say things I shouldn’t that hurt others. But there are also many times—many, many times—when I don’t say things that I know should be said. In fact, I resort to a “lying tongue” in order to cover up or smooth over something that should be confronted . . . when actually the truth—albeit painful in the moment—is what will effect long-term change and even healing. So, not speaking “rashly” does not mean not speaking at all. A part of the wisdom I need to learn is when to open my mouth and speak, though naturally I would often rather keep silent.

So, basically, my tongue has a lot to learn. Sometimes it is almost bitten off in an attempt to protect myself from healthy and necessary confrontation. Other times it flaps uncontrollably, foolishly spilling exaggerations, hurtful statements, and extremities of emotion. And anyone who knows me well can attest to this, unfortunately. 

I think grace is the key. My KeyWord Bible provides the following as a definition for “grace”:

“the divine influence on the heart, and its reflection in the life”

So, if I am truly mindful of the incredible grace He’s shown me, then gracious speech will flow out of me. When I need to confront something or someone, I’ll do it with humble confidence in His grace to transform the situation, and our hearts. And when I need to not speak something hurtful that I want to say, I’ll remember how gracious He’s been with me, and find grace in my heart to extend to others.

I do think I’m learning, even making a little progress. So pray for me, that I will open my mouth . . . but in wisdom, and always with grace, please!